I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
