I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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