You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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