People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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