i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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