i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
