UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize