sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
