omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
