He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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