I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
try to milk me bitch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
