Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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