this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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