u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
