True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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