I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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