Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
