just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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