NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
