Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
