I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
