AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
