This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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