I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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