i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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