she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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