saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
