Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
