u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
