why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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