dude i'm inner monologue high
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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