I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
