her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
