I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
