I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i came on her dog
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
