I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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