u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
