then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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