I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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