Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
