i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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