And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
