You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
