Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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