I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
