just come out here and I will go home with you...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
