I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
