you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
