All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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