i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
