Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
