The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We need to get me chipped asap
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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