lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
there is glitter all over my balls
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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