I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
