highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
