good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
