I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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