i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
