My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
