i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
