Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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