btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
