I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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