my mouth tastes like poor choices
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
operation harelip BJ is a go
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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