No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
