But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
